Helping
People Cope with Crises
by Rev. Frank Schaefer
Pastoral care-givers are faced with the
difficult task of helping people cope with their crises. The following article
intends to offer a model of crisis dynamics and some useful tips for pastoral care givers.
As a religious problem, the problem of suffering is, paradoxically, not how to
avoid suffering but how to suffer, what to make of physical pain, personal worldly
defeat--something bearable, supportable --something as we say, sufferable.
Lucien Richard*
Nobody is immune from crises. In fact, a crisis is bound to occur in everybody's life
sooner or later. Of course, crises vary in their nature, severity, and their impact on a
person's physical, mental, and spiritual well-being.
Crises constitute a special form of suffering; the suffering brought on by a crisis is
a heightened and shocking experience due to its suddenness and unpredictability.
Therefore, the pain and loss experienced in a crisis is usually very acute and pronounced.
The emotional stages a person encounters as s/he
recovers from a crisis are based on Kuebler-Ross's four stages
of the terminally ill (denial, anger, bargaining, acceptance) and have been adapted for
pastoral care givers by Nyswonger.
The underlying assumption in this model is that a person can not only work through a
crisis, but will hopefully emerge with new ways of coping as well as an increased
spiritual maturity.
It is important for the care-giver to make an assessment as to the stage the
care-recipient is dealing with. Based on this assessment, the care-giver may then
respond in such ways as outlined below:
The Crisis Encounter --Initial Shock
Typical question: "Is this really happening to me?"
Denial . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Panic
-numbness
-feeling out of control
-built-in protection
-suicide
-magical expectations
-psychoses
Pastoral Response:
- Try to manage the situation: a much as you can, look after
the safety of the care-recipient (don't let them drive under shock, etc.)
- Connect him/her with family, significant others
- Use familiar spiritual rituals such as prayer,
sacraments, etc.
- Support by reflective listening; let them talk about what
is threatening them.
Dealing with Emotions
Typical question: "Why is this happening to me?"
Expression . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Repression
-release
-Psychosomatic symptoms
-relief
-prolonged pain
Pastoral Response:
- Non-judgmental encouragement to express feelings.
- Validate their feelings, they are real.
- Assurance that their feelings are normal, it's ok to feel
grief, confusion, anger, guilt, etc.
The Drama of Negotiation
Typical question: "If only..."
Bargaining . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Selling
Out
-goals: reasons for wanting to live
-nothing left for me
-desire for control
-what's the use?
-window into a person's values
-it's over.
Pastoral Response
- As a person in crisis realizes the permanency of the loss
and its impact on the future, discourage unrealistic expectations ("miracles")
- Instead emphasize the hope for little "probable"
miracles (e.g. miracles of technology to cope with handicaps, community help, grants/aide;
courage to face a career change, life without...)
- Focus on the person's values. Affirm the values
which lie behind the person's goals.
Stage of Cognition (full mental awareness)
Typical Question: "How can I endure?"
Deep Sadness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Depression
or Despair
-recognition of loss
-"It is hopeless."
-"I am hopeless."
Pastoral Response
- Consistent depth support: presence, prayer, sacraments.
- Encourage the rethinking and re-interpreting of goals,
purpose, dreams and hopes.
Moving Toward Commitment
Typical questions: "What has my life been worth?" "What has my
suffering meant?"
Acceptance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Resignation
-renewed trust
-withdrawal
Pastoral Response
- Actively support the search for practical solutions, ways
of coping ("what now?" "how now?").
- Affirmation of worth, affirmation of God's grace.
- Encourage the search for and embracing of ultimate meaning
and purpose.
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*Lucien Richard (JPC, Vol 55, No2, summer 2001, p. 159).
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