4:25 So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth
to our neighbors, for we are members of one another.
4:26 Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your
anger,
4:27 and do not make room for the devil.
4:28 Thieves must give up stealing; rather let them labor and work
honestly with their own hands, so as to have something to share with
the needy.
4:29 Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is
useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may
give grace to those who hear.
4:30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were
marked with a seal for the day of redemption.
4:31 Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and
wrangling and slander, together with all malice,
4:32 and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one
another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.
5:1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children,
5:2 and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us,
a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Comments:
The letter to the Ephesians declares that people are reconciled with
God through God's grace, not by doing good works. As these verses
indicate, those who experience God's forgiveness are called upon to
live as the transformed people they have become.
Since we we are God children, it becomes important to imitate God.
This takes purpose and practice.
Verse 31 speaks to me this week (actually, since my new
appointment). Bitter from a move not of my choosing to a Church
where a number of folks left when they heard that a woman was taking
the place of their "beloved" pastor. Angry with the tears for the
"beloved" pastor in my office and being told we will "make do."
Angry with myself for not "getting over it" and getting on with the
God business I have been called to.
Verse 1, chapter 5, "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved
children, and live in love," I am working on this, but the anger,
frustration, and grief gets in the way. My congregation does not
know I feel this way. I am giving them the love that is offered
through Christ; I am sharing with them, working together to build
the body of Christ in this place, but my heart hurts.
Friends, thank you. I appreciate all of you and your ministry
through these pages. I know many of you have been through what I am
experiencing, and it is a comfort just knowing that. I do ask for
prayers that God will change my heart and allow me to let go of the
anger and frustration. Forgive me for using this forum to share
this, but the verse jumped out at me.
In Christ, <>< pbetty
pbetty - I hope that the 1 Kings passage is helpful to you this
week, as well. When we are so worn out as the prophet was, sometimes
God tells us it is time to rest. God will still be there when we
wake up, and so will our work. I think that passage ties nicely as
one way to acheive what this passage suggests as important Christian
goals.
Lisa
I wonder how much of the anger we think we hide from others, "leaks
out" in our language, our interactions and our relationships? "Be
angry, but do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger." It
seems that we have a great responsibility to manage and control our
anger, and the first step to do that is to acknowledge it, name it
and bring it into the light. The next step is to think on the Lord
to find mercy, compassion and forgiveness--both for the object of
our anger, and for ourselves. That "do not sin" sounds pretty
emphatic. Fro
Yes pbetty Like Lisa, I encourage to take some sabbath. I am now
retired, and experienced all of what you are talking about. Now as
I'm retired, I realized that I didn't take enough time for self, and
I'm grateful God is giving me this time to learn more about the
importance of rest. Be assured that God has placed this spot in
Cyberspace for us pastors (and former pastors).
Shalom
formerly pasthersyl now Bammamma
v. 30 - is a sentence unto itself, implying that grieving the Holy
Spirit is a sin unto itself, since it's placed amid the laundry list
of sins and suggestions.
Any language scholars know what kind of "grieving" the Holy Spirit
does? It's significant, I think, that the translators use this word
rather than, say, "anger" for what we might do to the Holy Spirit.
Another thing: not letting the sun go down on our anger. I've heard
this exclusively applied to a prescription for arguments, especially
marital arguments - stay up until it's resolved. Frankly, I'm better
off after a good night's sleep. Language scholars, again, please
offer insight!
Sally in GA (back from ID)
I don't understand "grieving" as related to anger, but to feelings
of disappointment. The word used (lupeoo) means to cause pain and
give offense. Passively it means to feel pain, be sad. In the
context the "bad" behavior of this reading causes God's pain.
So, we grieve God when we're "ugly" with others.
Mark in Tn.
pbetty and all,
When I was young(er than I am now), I couldn't understand why women
thought they should be pastors. I wasn't reacting to the
prohibitions in Corinthians or Timothy or anything like that, I was
only sitting in a place that didn't think change was necessary.
My first experience with a female pastor was when the parish to
which I belonged had a pastoral vacancy, and the woman was without
call, married to a pastor who had a call just a few miles away. I
wish I could say that it was a good experience that opened my eyes,
but I can't. In my memory, which may be clouded by thirty years of
time or by possible prejudice, she didn't preach well. I was too
young to know whether the congregation was considering her for call,
but I do know that she was not called to serve our congregation.
My question, "Why do women think they should be pastors?" turns out
to be mistated. It should be, "Why does anyone think (he or she)
should be a pastor?" It's not likely to be for the money. For some
people it might be a kind of prestige. Some might like the power
some pastors are allowed to exercise. For me, it comes down to this:
"How are they to hear, if there is no one to tell them?"
The call for people of all kinds to speak the gospel is out there.
How can we remain silent? Becoming a pastor never occurred to me as
I was growing up, after all, girls don't do that. Yet, now, here I
am.
I have found it not helpful to waste my energy being angry at those
who cannot accept my role as pastor. I also don't make an issue out
of gender. I don't need to fight a battle, I only need to preach the
Word. Some people do come back, when they realize you are not out to
force them to accept a difficult change overnight. God's Spirit will
continue to work out there, so hang in there!
In peace,
Michelle
My husband and I wanted our children to have siblings to lean on,
laugh with, share stories and help to remember their past. My
children grieve me when they fight with each other. I know that this
is normal among siblings, but I never get used to it or accept it.
After all, one of my goals was for my children to be a gift to each
other. I usually let them work their squabbles out for themselves,
but offer two pieces of advice; "If you can't say anything nice then
say nothing at all." and "Be kind to one another." This advice is
really a mom's rough translation of this passage. I don't have to
remind them to forgive each other because even though they seem to
hate each other one minute, soon they are best friends again. I
believe that as they grow up their childish bickering will stop,
just as I no longer argue with my sister. It must grieve God when
God's children fight among themselves, choosing to embrace anger
rather than love. God gave us each other to love and serve one
another. What we do, even to the least one among us, it is as if we
are doing the same for Christ. Pastor Bonnie
Michelle, thanks for sharing those deep feelings. I'm a male pastor,
and I may have a minority viewpoint, but I believe there's little
difference between men and women. We have the same needs, emotions,
abilities. Society teaches us different behaviors, but when you
scratch the surface, most of the differences we can find between
people aren't truly because of gender.
For folks to become fearful or angry because they're encountering
women who have been called by God to lead a church, and then not to
become angry at glaring injustices that exist in our world, seems to
me to be something that would grieve the Spirit. Best wishes in your
struggle. MTSOfan
Dear All
I continue reading and reflecting on the comments, and it all leaves
me doing a lot of thinking and left with a lot of questions. First,
verse 26 says, be angry but do not sin. I read, (and perhaps
wrongly) see comments suggesting more that it is wrong to be angry.
How can we deal with anger, if we can't be angry? Second, I become
angry when I read, comments suggesting "we are all alike, there is
no difference." It makes me angry, because there is an assumption
usually of the correctness of what that alikeness should be. Being
both minority in gender and race, I thank God for bringing me
through all of the horrors this has taken me, and realizing that God
made me uniquely to be who I am, which helps me allow others to
uniquely be who they are. With all the uniqueness about human
beings, how can we all be so alike? Wouldn’t be better to love and
care for one another in our differences?
Whether she wants or not, I continue to pray for pbetty in her
struggles as a pastor, and dealing with her anger at not being
accepted. (Pasthersyl)bammamma
O MY we have to have a Woman pastor! Well, We'll do it, but hope we
get a change soon. Woman can't preach, you know, covering and
authority thing!
Or That new lady minister she is all right. Well, aint aint
really a preacher, she's a good teacher... <p> Or we will just
attend the Sunday School part and walk down those stiars to the
Church with noses held high as she walks in to preach. <p> I have
heard some lady pastors say that happened to them... To very Special
"bettys" who are pastors in WV UMC have had parrishes like that...
One betty was my mentor!
Tell them to really read that passage here and ask self , do you
imitate God when you say that stuff to hurt???
Preach every Sunday like it's your first, Preach every Sunday like
it's you last! Clerically Blonde in west Ohio (using pink sermon
notes BTW LOL not scented tho)
O MY we have to have a Woman pastor! Well, We'll do it, but hope we
get a change soon. Woman can't preach, you know, covering and
authority thing!
Or <p> That new lady minister she is all right. Well, aint aint
really a preacher, she's a good teacher... <p> Or we will just
attend the Sunday School part and walk down those stiars to the
Church with noses held high as she walks in to preach. <p> I have
heard some lady pastors say that happened to them... To very Special
"bettys" who are pastors in WV UMC have had parrishes like that...
One betty was my mentor!
<p> Tell them to really read that passage here and ask self , do you
imitate God when you say that stuff to hurt???
<p>
Preach every Sunday like it's your first, Preach every Sunday like
it's you last! Clerically Blonde in west Ohio (using pink sermon
notes BTW LOL not scented tho)
FYI - I've posted some prayers that might be helpful for this Sunday
if you use prayers in your bulletin... enjoy... feel free to use if
you like, or ignore if you don't... ;?)
pulpitt in ND
verse 26: I'm remembering years ago, the Brady Bunch on TV and how,
each time the kids got angry with one another, mom or pop Brady
would say, "never let the sun go down on your anger." Imagine my
surprise when, years later, I studied this verse in Bible study -
Mike and Carol Brady quoting Scripture on primetime! Unfortunately,
life is not like the Bradys would have led us to believe, that
letting go of anger was one easy step, complete in a half hour. I'm
also remembering, years back, before I went to seminary, working
with abused children, and one girl who had all this built up rage in
herself. Each time it got to be too much, she would have a tantrum,
and then spend hours in her room, crying and beating up on herself
for letting "it go" again. She had a Bible in her room and so that
opened the door for me to talk with her about Scripture. She was
shocked to read of biblical folks who got angry, and was able to
talk about not that anger is bad, but what we do with the anger that
gets us in trouble. I think the world has this image of faithful
people, Christians are not alone, that does not include anger. We
are supposed to walk around with those plastic smiles on our faces
all the time. Perhaps this passge offers a great op to set the
record straight.
Pbetty, We're with you. I was just about to submit something about
how I have been dealing with a very difficult church member this
week when I read your post. I am also new to my church, and while
most of the congregation seems to be dealing okay with the fact that
I am a woman, I am not sure about all of them. (I was told they had
a woman in the past and that she didn't last very long.) I am not
sure if the person with whom I am dealing has trouble with me
because of the woman thing or because he simply has trouble with
every pastor the church has had (the latter is my guess, from the
way he speaks of previous pastors). He sends me nasty letters
periodically, about how naive I am and about how I know nothing
about the church (I have been there just over two months!), and what
a terrible church it is.
I am finding it difficult to preach this week's text, because the
whole thing seems to fit in too well with my experiences with him
this week. The bitterness and not speaking evil and not letting the
sun go down on one's anger fit too well with my own feelings and his
expression, and I feel I am too emotionally wrapped up in this to
preach effectively on these verses. Like you, I am trying to let the
situation go, but it still hurts. (Even though a lot of the things
he says are simply inaccurate.)
I feel so strongly about the importance of reconciliation and want
to make that a focus of my ministry, but this is the kind of person
with whom one cannot reason and does not seem willing to reconcile.
I know this text is preaching to me. (V. 31 also works for me this
week.) Maybe I should focus more on the last couple of verses? That
might help me hear the first part of the text but put my preaching
focus on something a little more benign. Any ideas?
Thank you for allowing this to be such a caring group.
Peace, Sacramento
Well, I'm going to stray from arguing scripture here and argue
"Brady Bunch." I've all but got all the episodes memorized and I
don't remember a single time when Mike and Carol said "Don't let the
sun go down on your anger." I did appreciate, however, that they
dealt with disciplining the children together.
Sally in Ga, and in that whole "Brady Bunch / Partridge Family /
Mary Tyler Moore / All in the Family / Love American Style"
generation.
pbetty
My heart and prayers are with you. I, too, have "been there."
Sally
Any ideas for back-to-school tie-ins?
I'm thinking about the book "Everything I Needed to Know I learned
in Kindergarten." and the basic rules for being nice and being fair.
Waiting your turn, not taking things personally, and so forth
Sounds like this Scripture - how to get along in God's world.
Sally
I'm going to zero in on teh subject of anger in the sermon for this
week. It has taken me more than fifty years to be at a place where I
can own, observe, and use my anger. So many folks sitting in the
pews are alot like me, I think -- never allowed to befriend anger,
to even be angry for fear of hurting or somehow being less than God
wants us to be. Others are on the other end of the spectrum --
either spilling over all the time or leaking anger sideways
(especially with humor). Ps. 130 helps me: "From out of the depths I
cry unto thee, O Lord" -- those depths are often the dark place
where my anger hides, where I bury it but it refuses to go away.
Anyway, have an old Weavings issue on the subject. Also, I
appreciate Mike Yaconnelli's new book MESSY SPIRITUALITY. Some
thoughts as the week wears on. Supchappa
Thank you all for your helpful thoughts and concerns. I know that I
am in the place that God has called me to, but I also know that I
needed to vent. Also, and thanks for reminding me, I am taking time
off - 2 weeks! And I am ready. :-)September (tomorrow) has enough
worries of its own. I am working on letting go and letting God.
On the journey, pbetty
Yea PBETTY!!! (capitalized on purpose)Thank you God for answered
prayer!
And also thanks supchappa, for your thoughts (and everybody else for
that matter). These are really helpful for me. A student minister
gave me a copy of "Messy Spirituality", and I put it aside. I'll
have to dig it out and read it.
Shalom
Bammamma (formerly pasthersyl)
Supchappa:
I like your comments about how we handle anger. Or, that is, mis-handle
anger. It's so true! Don't we all have folks who just sort of
"disappear" from church and when you scratch the surface when you
visit with them, you find that they're mad about something and show
it only in disappointment. Then, don't we all have folks who try to
manipulating us by threatening us with their anger? I've got a woman
who stares daggers through me every time I broach the subject of
outreach in our neighborhood (read: invite black folks into our
congregation).
Sally in GA
Hmmm... Elton John keeps running through my head ...
"Don't let the su-u-u-n go down on me/
Although I search myself, there's always someone else I see/
something something fragment of your mind to wan' be free-ee-ee-ee,
yeah/
but losing everything is like the sun going down on me."
(never could make out everything he was saying)
Sally in GA (and still showing my generation)
Interesting how such good folks feel virtuous and righteous because
they don't steal, but work for a living.
Yet, the majority of this passage is about interpersonal
relationships. Being nice, putting away bitterness...
Sally
I have a person struggling with an unwanted divorce (spouse left)
would not now take spouse back, but is tremendously bitter.
Am wondering how the words "be angry" might help to temper the
bitterness????
Michelle
It is v.25 & 29 that are speaking to me. I am reminded of the
passages in the book of James which speak of the tongue as such a
small thing that can do tremendous damage (as well as tremendous
good). The children's rhyme about "sticks and stones"
notwithstanding, sometimes names do indeed hurt. As those who serve
the Living Word, we affirm that words are important, and not to be
taken lightly. Communication matters. How often have I heard people
(both clergy and laity) say things like "I'm a person who shoots
from the hip" or "you never have to guess where I'm coming from" or
"I have no problem speaking my mind". Sometimes this is an admirable
quality. Sometimes this is a thin veil for arrogant, vicious attacks
on others under the guise of "honesty". As preachers, who work
constantly with verbal communication, there is the ever-present
temptation to abuse the great privelege of proclaiming the Word, and
"aim" the sermon at our own pet issues. We are all tempted by such
things - I believe it is part of being human that our pride can
rationalize hurtful, selfish words under the guise of
"truth-telling". This passage challenges us to humility in the face
of the great power of words. The recognition of this power runs deep
- notice children's games and stories: there is often a "magic word"
which conveys power or protection. We too, in a sense, have a "magic
word", the Word who was with God at the beginning of creation yet
humbled Himself even to death on the cross for us.
Shalom,
Bo in KY
Michelle,
Have a daughter with an 18 month old going through an unwanted
divorce AND expecting a baby concieved prior to the split. She is
very angry, largely that she could not see the "real" person she
married when other people did, and fearful that she will make a
second mistake sometime in the far away future. She is also involved
in a custody battle which is salt poured on a deep wound. This kind
of anger takes many sunsets to deal with.
If your parishioner is not in counseling I would suggest it.KSin ME
Bo,
Thanks for your insights, I focused on those scriptures as well,
your words helped me move further in my preparation.
Pbetty, Hang in there, take care of yourself, I am sure you are
caring for your congregation. Remember when you leave you will
likely be the beloved pastor the next person will deal with. ks in
ME
Bo in KY - thanks for your thoughts. I like the idea of being
challenged to humility.
Sally
I'm titling mine "Everything I Ever Needed to Know" as a take-off on
the "...I Learned in Kindergarten" book. It makes something of a
back-to-school message, though we don't have but a few kids (if they
even come this Sunday - sigh) other than my own. Still, we sponsor
our local elementary school, and have a couple retired teachers and
one retired principal in our ranks.
On the surface, it's a simplistic message, but I'd been thinking of
those James quotes, too, as well as the new commandment, "Love one
another as I have loved you" and once the surface is scratched it
makes a pretty profound statement.
So, maybe a *bit* overstated, we're given everything we need to know
about getting along in the world. Not about living large and in
charge, but about being challenged to humility, character, and
agape.
Sally
pbetty,
I hear you. I was pushed out of my church by a head of staff who
told me to my face, "There are 4 people in this church who don't
like you, and the rest adore you." (A church of 400) and "I didn't
know how to supervise you because you are older (1 yr.) and have
been ordained longer ( 2yrs.) He successfully steered the session to
vote me out, and I was informed of this decision just a month after
my brother's sudden death. Forgiveness and grace are things I still
struggle with.
But as a word of encouragement, let me say I just returned from
vacation where I visited some friends from my previous church. God
is still working within them, and giving them eyes to see truth.
Secondly, God moved in some really miraculous ways to get me to my
present call, and the people here have very much been instruments of
healing and grace. I learned the power of living with integrity, and
my previous colleague is sinking down to newer lower levels all the
time. I came back from vacation so grateful I am here and not there,
even though I still love the people there too. That will always
last.
Oh, if we would truly live in love as Paul admonishes us to do. To
get rid of the egos and the power plays of politics within the body
of Christ, where it should have no place.
God Be with you, fill you with grace and heal your spirit by His
love.
Susan in Wa.
Susan in Wa: Thank you for your thoughts, and my heart goes out to
you as you continue to work through your grief. My constant is that
God has gone before me and I know that God has placed me here for a
reason. Continuing the journey... pbetty
Oh yeah. I've walked the "senior pastor can't deal with you
syndrome" route, too. Horrible. And, like a previous post-er
indicated, it was finding the love of this new congregation, being
blessed by their presence in my life and realizing that God had
given me a whole new window from which to look at the world that I
have been able to heal from that past experience. I was angry,
bitter and resentful with the man and with the circumstance of my
departure; God turned that horrible experience into something
marvelous, for which I give him thanks every day. His Grace is
stronger than any pit I find myself sitting in. His purpose for my
life is more valuable than whatever someone else is trying to snuff
out. Human beings often revel in giving us grief and pain; God
delights in giving us himself so we can cope and move ahead with the
life he's given us. When we let God into our hurting place, he will
gently move the anger out and fill us with those things that better
reflect him. He doesn't condemn the anger, he just won't let it
consume us - if we don't let it kill our spirits first, that is.
Peace in Christ, who loves us more than we even know
KyHoosierCat
Your comments relate to the scripture well. Thank you for sharing
from your heart.
I've come to realize, after my 1st-appointment debacle, that even if
only 4 people out of 400 don't like you, the urge towards
homeostasis and keeping those 4 people "happy" (as if that would
ever be possible) outweighs sticking out the conflict a pastor's
presence might highlight. It doesn't matter if it's a woman clergy
issue or a race issue or a man wearing an earring issue; if the
pastor represents even a LITTLE something outside the collective
image of what a pastor is (in our parts, it's Southern, Male, and
over 50, with a bald spot and a smirk), it's going to cause an
identity crisis within the congregation.
Since the pastor is changeable, that's going to be the path of least
resistance to returning to homeostasis. No upsetting the apple cart.
I've shaken the dust off my feet; and every time the one church
sends me a newsletter and I throw it in the trash can, I shake the
dust off yet again. Each time brings a measure of healing and
appreciation for what I believe is a sincere olive branch.
Anyways, though he didn't think of this issue in these terms, it's
essentially what Paul (or Paul's stand-in) was trying to say here.
Stick together even if you're NOT birds of a feather. Treat each
other respectfully and imitate God; for we're all part of each
other.
Sally (I'm just full of idioms today, aren't I?)
Pbetty,
thanks, I actually received lots of healing this last week, when I
saw God continuing to work in the hearts of the people there, and
also knowing that I too am here for a reason. I wouldn't trade where
I am now for what I lost, ever! I am in a much better place here,
and God is soooo Good!!
Susan in Wa.
Sally,
Thank you for your thoughts. It seems to me that when we are called
to follow Jesus, and the way of the cross, that it means somehow
stopping the cycle of meanness, dishonesty, etc. and treating others
with the love of Jesus Christ, no matter what they have done to us.
In my previous situation with the head of staff, I knew that I held
a tremendous amount of power in my hand with how I chose to deal
with the situation. The head of staff knew it too, and he was
deathly afraid. I chose to take the high road, knowing that had I
chosen to blow the situation out of the water, I could have split
the church; not a legacy I wanted to leave. So, no matter what he
did to me, I responded with love and grace. Our newsletter articles
that went to the congregation were side by side. His filled with
defensiveness, and mine with love for the people. I didn't have to
say anything negative, because he didn't need any help in revealing
where the problems were. It was a huge lesson for me. It seems to me
in dealing with people, there will always be those who will cause
pain, and we have a choice in how to respond. If we respond in
sinful anger, we make ourselves no better than the one who hurt us,
and we grieve the Holy Spirit because we deny his presence within us
as well as the strength to overcome that He freely gives.
Greetings! Praise God I found this site. My the Lord has really
opened my heart and my eyes through your comments. I am finishing up
my last year of Divinity School and preaching at my roomate's church
this Sunday. I'm using this text and because of ending summer
internship and getting moved in, I have had little preparation time.
Luckily, I have prepared and searched the text and discovered that
this Sunday, I am to be bold. Before reading your comments, I was
going to talk about getting Back to Basics, living lives as
Christians in love and when angry, not to sin but to speak in love
and truth for we all are a part of the Body of Christ. Easy enough
with a nice little bow attached to my sermon is neatly wrapped up.
After reading your comments, I found that I need to put a little
more focus upon the anger issue in Ephesians. "Oh, don't be angry,
God doesn't want us to be angry." Heard that all my life but Paul
says 'In your anger' which does not dismiss the fact that we will
get angry. Paul then reminds us how to go about handling our anger
and that what we as Christians need to work on. I, for one, don't
get angry, but then I bottle everything up inside until finally I
just burst one day over something that isn't not that big of a deal.
Thank you all for speaking to me and I continue to pray that the
Lord will take this sermon to where it will touch someone. Blessings
be with you all! DukeDivInNC
my sisters and brothers, you have touched my soul this late night.
thank you! this is a very timely scripture to be preaching on in my
congregation. a little scary, but oh-so necessary. you have given me
courage and insight tonight into what i must be about in the
morning. first-time sharer, though i've been lurking out here for a
while now... peace! ~martha
Welcome, Martha, from another "newbie" to this site. Hasn't the
discussion been marvelous this week? While I truly appreciate the
theological research and the knowledge shared regularly, sometimes
hearing the real stories of these contributors puts all that
"learning" right in front of us in "real time", doesn't it?
Application is essential to preaching, and it has been tremendous
this week! Thank you to all for what you have shared!
KyHoosierCat
