SURELY, NOT I?
Sermon for Maundy Thursday, Mark 14:12-27
by Rev. Rick Thompson

     “This is going to be a great day!” Judas thought to himself.

     “I love Passover Time!  I love it when we Jews remember the ancient story of God’s deliverance, that special time we were liberated from slavery in Egypt.  This day stirs thoughts of freedom in my heart, as it does for all my fellow Jews.  And I’m going to Jerusalem for the festival,” Judas continued his morning musings. “I’m going to Jerusalem, to celebrate with my friends and my Master, Jesus.  And with all the pilgrims in town, it’s going to be a really good day!” 

     “Freedom.  How I long for freedom!  Two centuries of harsh, oppressive Roman occupation have beaten us Jews down and worn us out.  Like many of us, I’m really growing impatient with it all,” Judas reflected.

     Questions and speculations were swirling in his mind: “Maybe this will be the day when it all comes to a head.  Didn’t Jesus ride into Jerusalem, acting like a King, just last Sunday?  Maybe, now, Jesus will make his move.  With all those pilgrims in town, a potential army of rebels, will Jesus finally—finally—act like a King should act?  Will this be the day when Jesus will rally the people, do battle with the Romans, throw them out of Palestine, and free the Jews?”

     “Oh, how I long for that to happen!”

     “And, just to be sure,” Judas continued, “I’ve hatched a plot.  It’s time to force Jesus’ hand. So I’m going to lead the enemies of Jesus to him at a time when he’s defenseless, out of the public eye.  And they’re going to pay me a handsome price!”

     Contemplating it all, Judas smiled a satisfied smile, and thought, “Ah, yes, it’s going to be a great day!”

     “And now it’s time for Passover dinner.  I’ll take my place at the table, and we’ll eat our ancient, ritual meal of freedom—Jesus, my other friends, and I.  And then—oh, this will be the best part!—we’ll watch that freedom become real before our eyes.  Jesus will have to fight when they came to arrest him!  And soon the Romans and those Jewish turncoats will be thrown out of power!  Because God is on Jesus’ side, after all—so, of course, Jesus will win!”

     “Jesus will win, and soon we’ll have our freedom!” 

     “Oh, I wonder if they can hear my hear beating with excitement?  What an adrenaline rush I’m having!  Just the thought of having those Romans off our backs—for good—gives me goose bumps!

     “But Jesus is saying something,” Judas interrupted himself.  “I’d better stop daydreaming and pay attention.  What is Jesus saying?  Oh, no!  Jesus couldn’t be on to me, could he?  How did he find out??

     “In shock, almost sick to my stomach, I hear Jesus say, “Truly I say to you, one of you will betray me…For the Son of man goes as it is written of him, but woe to that one by whom the Son of Man is betrayed.  It would have better for that one to not be born.

    “Oh, my!  Oh, my!  My heart is sinking!  Jesus isn’t going to go along with the plan!  I knew I shouldn’t have trusted him!  He’s not going to follow the script!  He’s not going to resist arrest!  I’m doomed for sure—and so is our hope of freedom!” Judas, forlorn, desparate, contemplated his fate.

     “I watch the others.  They’re startled and puzzled.  With heavy hearts, one by one, they’re questioning Jesus, going around the table and asking, “Surely, not I?”

      “Now Jesus is looking at me,” Judas realizes.  “His stare, filled with sadness and fondness all at the same time, pierces right through me.  I gulp, hoping they can’t see me trembling on the inside. I manage to mutter, sounding innocent enough, “Surely, not I, Jesus?” 

     “Is it I who will betray you?” I ask, knowing the truth deep inside.  The answer?  “Yes.”

     And we, gathered here for a meal, might ask that same question.  “Is it I who betray you, Jesus?”  And what is the answer deep inside?  Was it only Judas who betrayed Jesus, or is it also us?  Was it only the first disciples who, as he predicted after supper, denied and deserted Jesus, leaving him alone in his darkest hour?  Or is it also us?

     Is it I who betray you, Jesus?  Surely, not I!

     Is it I who betray you by giving my loyalty to other gods, giving them control over my life instead of you?  Do I worship money, or power, or recognition, or comfort and success more than I worship you?  Do I love you with all my heart and soul and mind and strength, or do I give you only a little piece of myself—you, who have given your all for me?

     Surely, not I?

     Is it I who betray you by dishonoring your name, making it worthless, using it to curse and condemn or back up a lie? 

     Surely, not I?

     Is it I who betray you, Jesus, by treating the Sabbath with contempt?  When I refuse to hear your Word and live by it, do I betray you?  When I think I don’t need to take time for rest, refreshment, and renewal, it is I who betrays you?

     Surely, not I?

     Do I betray you when I refuse to respect those in authority?  When I treat with contempt parents, teachers, and leaders?

     Surely, not I?

     Do I betray you when I kill my neighbor?  When I ignore the mournful cry of the hungry?  When I demean other persons just because they are different from me?  When I thirst for the blood of my enemies—or of my nation’s enemies?  When I refuse to defend someone who’s being mistreated?  Do I betray you, Jesus?

     Surely, not I?

     Is it I who betrays you when I misuse the gift of my sexuality?  When I make sexuality into something cheap and demeaning and destructive, rather than use it to love and create and make whole?

     Surely, not I?

     Do I betray you when I steal?  When I take what isn’t mine from my workplace, or school, or a store, or when I sell something for more than it’s worth?  When I fail to return to you, for the work of the church in your name, a generous portion of what you have given me?

     Surely, not I?

     When I gossip, do I betray you, Jesus?  When I hurt another with my tongue, or lie about someone else?  When I fail to give my neighbor the benefit of the doubt and speak in the kindest way possible about the other?  Is it I who betrays you?

     Surely, not I?

     Do I betray you when I covet?  When I want what I cannot have, what belongs to someone else?  When my thoughts are dominated by envy of another’s wealth or success—so dominated that I have no room for you? 

     Is it I who betrays you, Lord?

     Yes, it is I—when I don’t love you with all my being, and fail to love my neighbor as myself.  Just like Judas, Lord, I betray you.

     And yet, Lord, you ate with Judas.  After you announced one would betray you, you still welcomed all your disciples—yes, even Judas—at your table.  Judas, your betrayer, Peter, who denied you, and all the others, who deserted you in fear when you were arrested.  All of them.  You ate with all of them.

     And now you invite me to your table.  You eat with me.  I, who wants to control you rather than obey you; I, who sins against you again and again—you eat with me!

     Surely, not I?

     Yes, it is I!  I don’t deserve to be your friend.  I don’t deserve to be at your table.  I don’t deserve even the scraps from your table! 

     And, yet, you eat with me.

     And you will eat with me again.  You will eat with me each time I come to this table—traitor, deserter, sinner that I am.  And you will eat with me, face to face, in the new creation you are making. 

     Do you really invite me to your table?  Do you really invite me into your Kingdom?  Is it I who gets a taste of your gracious and loving reign each time I come to this table?  Is it I who receives the promise that I will feast on your love and grace forever, even after I die? 

     Surely, not I?

     Yes, Lord, it is I!

     It is I whom you love.  I whom you forgive.  I to whom you give a new family, the family of God.  I to whom you promise your loving, gracious presence—now and forever.

     Surely, not I?

     I, Lord, who is held in your strong and tender hands, and sustained by your promises?

     I, Lord, for whom you go to suffer and die?

     I, Lord, for whom you will rise in victory from the grave?

     Surely, not I?

     Oh, yes, my Lord, it is I!  It is I.  It is I.