Scripture Reading:   Mt. 18:21-22

How to Forgive Yourself
by Frank Schaefer

PowerPoint Presentation

I think it's fair to say that forgiveness and grace have become the corner stone of Christianity. God is so gracious that God offers forgiveness even when it is undeserved. So, God expects us to forgive as well. I think it’s fair to say that unless you are willing to forgive or at the least you work toward forgiving others, you cannot really call yourself a Christian. Basically, Jesus told Peter: forgiveness is unlimited!

God gave us commandments and requirements for our own good. To follow God’s rules and suggestions is good for us. So, when God asks us to forgive, God wants us to prosper and to grow spiritually and overcome our inner hurt.

There are many reasons why it makes sense for us to forgive others. For instance, the act of forgiving can set us free from the chains that bind us to the offense and the offender. It’s also important to forgive for our own emotional health: You pay an emotional tax for an unforgiving attitude. Someone has said that an unforgiving attitude is like carrying a red-hot brick around in your mind with the intention of someday throwing it back at the one who has hurt you. But in the meantime, you get burned by the red-hot brick yourself.

Again, when God asks us to forgive others, God does so only after we have received grace and mercy ourselves. And then, God expects us to forgive for our own sake, so that we can free ourselves and heal from whatever wrongdoing, hurt, or loss was put on us. And considering that, forgiving others is another way in which God is showing God’s great care for us.

But today I want to also talk about something we hardly ever consider in the context of forgiveness: forgiving ourselves. While Jesus nor the bible ever talks about forgiving oneself directly, a strong case can be made for it nonetheless. We are important to God, and if it is important for God to forgive us, it must be important for us to forgive ourselves. Here is how that makes sense: Because if we don’t forgive ourselves it’s like we’re rejecting God’s forgiveness.

It would be like God saying to us: I forgive you, it’s ok. Move on and do better next time, and we keep saying: “No, thanks, I won’t accept. I’d rather be stuck and wallow in feelings of guilt.”

Besides if we don’t really allow ourselves to experience God’s forgiveness, how are we able to ever forgive others?

And yet, forgiving ourselves seems just as difficult as forgiving others. So here are some very practical points on how we can learn to forgive ourselves:

1. Diagnose why you need to forgive yourself.

When you think of memories, they may create these uncomfortable feelings. If we recognize we are to blame, we may feel guilt and a need for forgiveness. To identify whether you’re feeling guilt, ask yourself:

• Am I feeling this way because of the outcome?
• Am I feeling this way because I am to blame for a bad outcome?

2. Accept that failures do not make you a bad person.

Everyone fails at something at one point in her life or other. Do not think that failing at something - whether it be a job or relationship - makes you a bad person. As Bill Gates said: “It is fine to celebrate success, but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.” Learning from one’s mistakes is a step of forgiving oneself.

3. Ask for God’s forgiveness

The Christian message is clear: Sin is a human condition and guilt has a transcendent dimension--it is guilt before God! And only God can break the bondage of sin and guilt.
But the message doesn't stop there. The good news is that God’s love is unconditional and God is working in and through Christ to break that bondage and restore humanity. Forgiveness is just as real as is sin and guilt. All you have to do is ask God to forgive you.

4. Let yourself experience God’s forgiveness

If you have trouble to let go of feelings of guilt even after asking for forgiveness. You should let yourself experience forgiveness. You could…

• read Scripture passages that affirm you of God’s forgiveness such as found in John 1: 9: “If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

• Talk to a fellow believer or a spiritual leader and hear let the words of pardon sink into your soul. Words like: “you are forgiven” or “God has forgiven you!”

• Engage in a symbolic act, such as writing your sin on a post it note and burning it in a “forgiveness ceremony” either together with others or by yourself.

5. Ask forgiveness from others.

If you ask for forgiveness for others, you will feel better about yourself.

• Sometimes, clearing the air can help to resolve an existing issue. It may also help to show that you were internalizing a bigger issue than was actually present. Asking for forgiveness has been proven to bring more favorable outcomes and provide stronger relationships

6. Do not be afraid to start anew.

Do not dwell on past mistakes. To really forgive yourself, do not be afraid to start from scratch. Learning to forgive yourself is not just learning to live with the past. It is learning from that experience. Take what you have learned and apply it to building a better you.

• Set goals yourself for the future that help to promote a better and stronger mindset. This look into the future may help your forgive yourself in the present by focusing on the positive changes you are able to make.
 

Prayer of Confession

Creator God, forgive our moments of ingratitude,
the spiritual blindness that prevents us from appreciating
the wonder that is this world,
 the endless cycle of nature, of life and death and rebirth.
Forgive us for taking without giving reaping without sowing.
Open our eyes to see our lips to praise our hands to share
and may our feet tread lightly on the road.
 

Words of Pardon and Assurance of Faith

Hear the good news! Who is in a position to condemn?
Only Christ, and Christ died for us, Christ rose for us,
Christ reigns in power for us, Christ prays for us.
Anyone who is in Christ is a new creation.
The old life has gone; a new life has begun.
Know that you are forgiven and be at peace!