Why Forgive?

Matthew 5:23-24
by Rev. Frank Schaefer

How important is forgiving our neighbors? Very important, judging by the fact that the Scriptures, especially the New Testament, are full of references to forgiving others. But it's not just the number of references, it's also what it actually says about forgiveness.

Forgiving our neighbors is contained in the Lord's Prayer: "Forgive our sins as we forgive those who sinned against us."

What Jesus included in the Lord's prayer is definitely elementary and very important. It seems that our willingness to forgive others is a requirement that we need to meet before God forgives us.

How important is forgiveness and reconciliation? It's more important than giving to the Lord according to our gospel lesson from Matthew 5:23-24. And giving is pretty important.

Listen to what Jesus is saying: "forget your sacrifices and your tithes, go now and hurry to reconcile with your brother or sister. It is that important!"

Jesus' message is very radical. What he is saying here is: don't even think that God will honor your gifts and sacrifices if you are not willing to forgive the people close to you. Don't you even think for a minute that you can be reconciled to God if you aren't willing to be reconciled to your neighbor or a family member.

Forgiving other is a hard concept for any of us. We feel that there have to be limits to our forgiveness. We can't just keep on forgiving people because if we did, they would walk all over us. Some things that people do to us or say to us, we feel, are hard to forgive, because the offense hurt so much it left a scar.

Perhaps, we prefer to be like Peter who once came to Jesus with a mathematical solution to forgiving others. Peter asks Jesus his question: "Lord, how often should I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Seven times?"

It's only human to think that there must be some limit beyond which forgiveness is no longer required. Peter is doing the math. He was actually being generous. The Jewish thought of his day was that forgiveness be extended three times. Three strikes and you're out.

Jesus' response was short and clear: 70x 7 times. In other words, Jesus suggested to Peter to stop keeping track of debts or offenses. In God's kingdom there is only forgiveness.

Why on earth is it so important to God that we forgive others anyhow? Maybe they deserve to be unforgiven--why should we be punished for their sin; after all, we are the victims. The sin was committed against us.

Here is my theory on this. I believe that God gave us commandments and requirements for our own good. To follow God's rules and suggestions is good for us. God wants us to prosper and to grow spiritually and not get hurt.

In light of this "prosperity theory" there are at least two reasons why we need to forgive others FOR OUR OWN SAKE:

Now before I share about the these reasons points, I need to give you a disclaimer: When I preached on forgiving others before, a lady came up to me after the service and said: "Pastor Frank, what about my abusive husband; am I supposed to keep forgiving him for what he does to me.

Please know that forgiveness has nothing to do with this problem. If you are in an abusive relationship, you are the victim of a crime and you need to remove yourself from danger. You can and still should be working on forgiving that person later on, but you should also get out in order to be safe!

1. The first point I want to highlight on how forgiving others can benefit us has to do with freedom: the act of forgiving can set us free from the chains that bind us to the offense and the offender. Only after we gain this freedom can we receive healing from the hurt a person has inflicted on us.

Joan Borysenko knows what happens to us if we can't find a way to forgive--instead of vanishing with time, the memory of the offense weighs on us and grows heavier. She says, "My mother was always telling about our aunt whom she couldn't stand, and that poor woman had been dead for thirty years. I thought, who is suffering from this? So my mother continues to live with the chains of an unforgiving attitude."

An example of how to free ourselves from the bondage of an unforgiving attitude is Philip Yancey. He tells of a conversation that he once had with an immigrant rabbi. "Before coming to America," the rabbi said, "I had to forgive Adolf Hitler. "Why?" Yancey asked. "I did not want to bring Hitler with me, you know, to my new country."

2. The second reason to forgive has to do with emotional health: You pay an emotional tax for an unforgiving attitude. Someone has said that an unforgiving attitude is like carrying a red-hot brick around in your mind with the intention of someday throwing it back at the one who has hurt you. But in the meantime, you get burned by the red-hot brick yourself.

An unforgiving attitude tires us, burns us. Harry Emerson Fosdick used to tell his Riverside congregation that harboring an unforgiving attitude is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat. An unforgiving attitude is self-destructive emotionally. And furthermore, since now we also know about the connection between the emotional and physical aspects of a person, an unforgiving attitude may even affect you physically. Make you physically ill.

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

Amen!