Cryptic Christmas Card
A man sent his friend a cryptic Christmas card. It said: A B C D E F G H I
K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z. The recipient puzzled over it for weeks,
finally gave up and wrote asking for an explanation. In July he received
explanation on a postcard: "No L."
The nativity play was going as planned and Joseph and
Mary were going from house to house knocking on the doors and asking it
there was any room for them. As they continued to get "no room" answers a
little voice called from the back "YOU SHOULD HAVE BOOKED!" bringing the
Didn't You Get My E-Mail?
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And
what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then
gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
Who kissed Santa?
At my daughter's elementary school Christmas concert, a first-grade girl
introduced their song, "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" with clear,
articulate, well-rehearsed speech, [and not in the least aware of the
mix-up], saying: "Oh, what Mommy would have thought if she saw Daddy
kissing Santa Claus!"
from Sally in GA
The Real Santa?
The local newscaster was with the crowd of parade watchers, welcoming
Santa as he arrived in town, and in a live interview asked a boucey 4 yr
old girl if she had talked with this Santa yet to give him her Christmas
list. "No" she replied infatically. "Are you going to talk with Santa?"
the newscaster asked. "NO" once again was the most definite answer which
was not the reaction that he was expecting at all! "Why?" he curiously
asked the little one. "Because the real Santa is at the Mall."
THE VIRGIN BIRTH
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says,
"Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these
cravings, she's putting on weight and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother and
says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this but your Darla is pregnant.
About 4 months would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left
alone with a man! Have you Darla?"
Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five
minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything
like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came
over the hill. I'll be damned if I'm going to miss it this time!"
Save God the trouble
There was a young boy who was saying a prayer out loud one night and his
brother was listening to him. This boy asked God for a fresh milkshake in
the morning. His brother said: "just shake a cow and milk it. It will
save God the trouble."
A little help from Joseph
One day during our children's sermon, I was telling the kids about how the
angel came to Mary to tell her about how she would help bring Jesus into
the world. One little girl seemed puzzled about this whole scene. Then
another child asked what I thought the first thing Mary would have asked
for after the angel left her. Instantly this little girl chimed in with
"I'll bet she asked for a little help from Joseph!"
Who is the Real Virgin?
A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite
knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother
by asking, "Which virgin was the mother of Jesus? The virgin Mary or the
King James Virgin?"
What Are The Three Gifts?
While participating in a chruch Christmas pageant many years past, I had
the good fortune to be chosen as the narrator. Each rehearsal went off
well and then on the night of the show, I, in a loud and penetrating voice
announced the gifts of the Magi as "gold, Frankenstein and myrrh."
No Room In The Inn?
A boy wanted to be Joseph in the Sunday School pageant. He was cast as the
landlord and objected loudly, but to no avail. When the pageant was
presented, Mary and Joseph knocked on the door and asked him if he had a
room for them. The boy smiled and said, "Yes, sure. Lots of room. Come on
The store's Santa Claus gave Jeanie a candy
cane. Her mother says, "What do you say, Jeanie?" Jeanie looks up at
Santa and says, "Charge it!" Bud Brooks, Stamping Ground CC, Stamping
At Sunday school, the younger children were drawing pictures illustrating
Biblical stories. The teacher walked by and noticed one little boy was
drawing an airplane! "Oh, what Bible story are you drawing?" she asked.
"This is the Flight into Egypt," the little boy answered. "See, here is
Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. And this," he said, pointing to the front of
the plane, "is Pontius. He's the Pilot."
A little boy named Nicholas told the store's Santa Claus:
"You and I have the same name." Santa says: "Well, hello
Harold." Bud Brooks, Stamping Ground CC, Stamping Ground, KY
Going the wrong way in the "Advent Rush"
While a man had gone out driving to do some Christmas shopping, his wife
had been watching TV when she heard the announcer say, "be very careful
and watch driving on I5 today, there is a motorist driving the wrong way"!
His wife got hold of him on the cell phone to warn him, and his reply was:
"You tell me, there are hundreds of them here".
The Wrong Gift
The parents began to assemble the special Christmas gift they had for
their children. They had ordered a kit for a tree house and received the
plans for it. However, the materials they received were for a sailboat.
They wrote the company to complain. The company's reply: "While we
regret the inconvenience this mistake must have cause you, it is nothing
compared to that of the man who is out on a lake somewhere trying to sail
your tree house." Bud Brooks, Stamping Ground, KY
God's Not Deaf
Two young boys were spending the night at
their grandparents' house the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two
boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers. The younger one began
praying at the top of his lungs:
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."
His older brother leaned over, nudged him and said, "Why
are you shouting? God isn't deaf." to which the little brother replied,
"No, but Grandma is!"
Actual children's versions of Christmas Carols:
"...sleep in heavenly peas";
"Joy to the world, the Savior rains";
"This is he whom Sears of old...";
"Angels we have heard on high, sweetly singing o'er the plane";
"While shepherds washed their socks by night
None of Them Are Toys!
When my daughters were little I would always tell them around Christmas
that this is Jesus' birthday and he only received 3 things so do not be
disappointed in what lies under the tree. When it came time for worship on
Christmas morning, I asked the children what they thought Jesus would
think of Santa and all the hype. Would he ask Santa a question? My
youngest daughter replied, "I think Jesus would ask how come I only got
three things and none of them were toys?" ... SAL Ridgeway Ontario
When my son was 8 years of age, He was in a Christmas Pageant at our
church. His line started "And the Virgin Mary was with Child." He did his
line correctly at every rehearsal. On the night the of the presentation
everything was going wonderful. All the children were relaxed and reciting
their lines without flaw. It came time for my son to recite his line and
this is exactly how it came out: "And the Viking Mary was with Child." It
was quite a job for all the adults watching the presentation to restrain
ourselves and not bellow out in laughter. ...Patty Louisiana
The Three Gifts
After the Christmas pageant, I asked my 6-year-old son if he remembered
the gifts that the Magi brought to Jesus. He thought for a minute then
said "gold, frankincense, and humor". We could all use that!